Nine words a woman uses

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes:< /SPAN> If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5)Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’, that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

Maradona blames cheating for the lose

After a humiliating 4-0 lose against Germany this Saturday, coach Diego Maradona claimed that FIFA must take action immediately. Holding the press conference in Cape Town, coach said that there were 3 reasons behind the 'controversial' German victory. Reasons stated below

1. Maradona complained about the German style, " The Germans didn't play good football. In Argentina we play in our positions, That is football. But German players did it wrong, they brought many defenders inn, one even scored a goal! Now that isn't good football. In good football, the ball must be with Messi all the time. Messi Messi and just Messi. " After this he went and hugged a fan (now Late fan) who was in Messi's jersey.

2. Maradona said that referees were partial towards Germany. " Messi's free kicks should have been more close to the penalty box " Maradona complained about the linesmen being 'absurd' and 'illogical', calling an Argentine goal off-side. He slapped a journalist who pointed out that four players were really off side during that shot.

3. Frustrated with Germany, Diego was fuming. " They kept the ball all the time. They even didn't give the ball to our Goal Keeper. Their defenders were getting bored and was playing in our penalty box which is a disgrace to the game of soccer " pointing Lahm, RWB being the key to German success.
                                 Maradona said that Germany broke the code of conduct and beauty of the game pointing that the German Goal keeper was sleeping through out the game. Meanwhile German Goal Keeper Neurer denied charges on him and said that he didn't know  if he played the game; " All I remember is the national anthem, after that when I woke up their was only Diego in the ground. And he told me that I got a clean sheet".

Towards the end of his press conference he had a mental break down. He said that he'll conduct a Harthal in Kerala against FIFA's immature, irresponsible, unacceptable and rude refereeing against Argentina.
  © fake news agency




  

faking news !!

Moving with unprecedented speed and decisiveness, the Government of India and the BCCI has come up with a remarkably elegant and effective solution to the ongoing IPL controversy - they have appointed Lalit Modi as External Affairs Minister and made Shashi Tharoor the commissioner of the IPL.

Lalit Modi points in the general direction of Sikkim, denying its very existence and ending the border debate with China in a matter of seconds.

"We suddenly realized that the amazing negotiation and crisis-management skills displayed by Mr.Lalit Modi are completely wasted on trivialities such as cricket. They would be put to much better use in the MoEA, where he could tackle serious problems such as Pakistan, China and Sri Lanka, and give the rather blade ministry a much needed branding makeover. Woo hoo!", said Prime Minister Dr.Manmohan Singh.

"Any man who can so brazenly thumb his nose at everyone even when he is neck-deep in shit will be a valuable asset in telling Pakistan to pike off.", said Dr.Singh, unexpectedly using a cuss-word cribbed from the Planescape : Torment universe. "His superb denial skills will also come in handy in situations where we need to deny the existence of fairly obvious but annoying inconveniences such as the LOC, the refugee problem, and most of the north-eastern states. Plus, Mr.Modi is a perfect blend of 'external' and 'affairs', making him the perfect man for the job.", said Dr.Singh.

Early reports also indicate that Mr.Modi may be given additional charge of the Finance Ministry, to take advantage of his undoubted mastery of making ridiculously untenable financials seem viable, even exciting. "We are confident that Mr.Modi will be able to find sponsors who will pay for initiatives such as the UID and NREGA schemes, and even find a title sponsor for the national debt. This will free up thousands of crores of taxpayer money that we can coolly pocke . . er . . ah . . pockastickate for stringinindous rural development projects.", winked Congress party spokesman Abhishek Manu Singhvi, making up a few official-sounding words in the nick of time.

Apparently Mr.Modi has already swung into action, and has initiated an auction process to create privately held franchises out of institutions such as the State Bank of India, NABARD and, unsurprisingly, the Income-Tax Department. "We'll see how you lT losers investigate my accounts when my good friends Mukesh Ambani and Vijay Mallya own your sorry asses", smirked Modi, under the mistaken impression that this was not already the case.

Meanwhile, former Minister of State for External Affairs Dr.Shashi Tharoor will take charge as commissioner of the IPL. His immediate duties will include implementing Mr.Modi's original vision of globalizing the league, by taking it to countries such as Gabon, Burkina-Faso and Sierra-Leone. "Dr.Tharoor's experience in Africa is very relevant to the IPL, since a third of the IPL matches have been played there anyway.", explained BCCI president Mr.Shashank Manohar, justifying the unexpected posting. "Plus, Africa has contributed one of the IPL's most integral parts - Akon. Smack that!", said Manohar, wisely resisting the urge to swiftly slap his palm on the posterior of BCCI secretary Mr.Niranjan Shah, who was standing beside him.

Neither Mr.Modi nor Dr.Tharoor were available for  further comment, since they've both been told to stay off Twitter, cutting off their main communication channel.

by Anand Ramachandran